Ya-ching's Struggle - Surviving Sexual Harassment
Background
Ya-ching was a 28-year-old woman from Taiwan who lived on her own in London. She is hitting the sixth year of her career in one of the most prestigious banks. Last Monday, she celebrated a promotion to Branch Assistant Manager. I was amazed by her achievement. Her confidence radiated when she spoke. She was unfettered to recount how infuriated she was when a senior manager was sexting her with photos of her ankles, bottoms, and back. She tried to endure all the innuendo jokes and the toxic masculinity environment by herself, but this nonsense showed no sign of fading.
At work, there was no one she could turn to. She had heard how unprofessional the Sexual Harassment Support Hotline was at work. In life, she didn't want to share with her friends and family, because she doesn't know where to start and she thinks her experience is nothing compared to what the #MeToo victims have gone through. She started to internalise these abusive encounters and fire a series of doubts like "I should have said no that day. I should have walked off. I should not have applied to work on that team. I should not have worn that dress…" These lasted for months until they reached the point where part of Ya-ching couldn't help but say to herself "This is enough. Enough of this rationalisation for the things that were not even my fault".
The support you will need:
To support sexual violence or sexual assault survivors, it is important to go through these 3 steps. First, we acknowledged Ya-ching's internalisation and processed the harm those incidents have done to her, "Yes, you might have made a mistake at work, but that doesn't mean anyone can sexually abuse you. Also, that's defamation on you too". Then, validated her experience and feelings, "The pain you have suffered all these months is real. The life you've lost, the trust you've been destroyed. These are real." Finally, it is vital to empower the sexual abuse survivors, "So, Ya-ching, please don't think that you don't deserve to fight for your right. This is enough."
Unfortunately, our brain is not the same as computers, we cannot erase traumatising experiences or memories, but we can prevent secondary trauma and learn to overcome and interpret them differently. Do get in touch with us if you are struggling to articulate any unwanted experience you have had or are going through. We are here for you.
Further reading:
The Right to Sex - Amia Srinivasan (published by Bloomsbury, 2021)
Theatre and TV shows for some camaraderie and inspiration:
Prima Facie starring Jodie Comer (written by Suzie Miller, 2022)
Wave Makers starring Gingle Wang, Hsieh Ying-xuan, and Jag Huang (produced by Netflix, 2023)
